Allison Holker: ‘Now My Purpose Is Different’
Content warning: This first-person story with Allison Holker includes discussions of trauma and suicide.
If I could go back in time to a little over a year ago and tell myself anything, it would be this: You’ll be able to feel love again. You will. It is a different kind of love…a love from life, from nature, from friendships, from peers, from my children. But you will feel love again. And I do.
A Journey of Healing and Rediscovery
14 months ago, my whole life was flipped upside down. I felt like everything was taken from me. I sat in a weird pocket of life, questioning everything. I had never seen a therapist before this, but having someone to open up to and receive advice was incredibly beneficial.
Importance of Asking for Help
During my grief and trauma, I learned the importance of people just doing something to help, even if I didn’t know what I needed. Small gestures like making breakfast or building a playground meant so much.
Maintaining Healthy Habits
Continuing my everyday routine, including my morning coffee, hair and makeup, affirmations, and organization, helped me immensely. These habits became a source of strength during the grieving process.
Showing Up and Rediscovering Joy
One of my affirmations is that I’ll always show up, and that has been crucial for me. Thanks to my children, I rediscovered joy and learned to be more comfortable showing emotion, including vulnerability.
Healing Through Laughter
It’s important to show that you’re healing. I experienced a moment of shared laughter with my daughter, which shifted my perspective on grief and allowed us to embrace joy even in difficult times.
Rediscovering Purpose Through Dance
So You Think You Can Dance has been a significant part of my life, helping me rediscover my love for dance and providing a platform to share my story. It has allowed me to find a new purpose and showcase my strength.
Embracing Complexity and Finding Beauty
Every season of life has an expiration date, and getting through the hard moments leads to self-discovery. Even in the gray areas, there is beauty to be found.
Living with a New Purpose
My purpose has evolved into something deeper and more profound, yet rooted in love and joy. I now use my words to inspire and connect with others, showing that despite hardships, there is always hope and resilience.
Final Thoughts
This journey has been challenging, but we are still moving forward. There is so much to live for and experience, and I hope my story inspires others to find strength and courage in their own struggles.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text STRENGTH to the Crisis Text Line at 741741, or go to 988lifeline.org.
So You Think You Can Dance premieres Monday, March 4, on Fox and will stream on Hulu.
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